Joey with the Mustache’s secrets for a fabulous stay in Fire Island Pines

House Party Etiquette (How to get into that house party)

“Fire Island isn’t about what you get from the experience, it’s what you bring to share.”

You’re gonna find yourself surrounded by all kinds of things to do in Fire Island Pines, and chances are, you’re going to want to stop by a home full of people you don’t know and stand around by the pool or melt into a living room dance floor of sexy strangers. There’s a lot of hush-hush about how to become a part of these fabulous experiences, and I’m here to demystify the experience for you and make your afternoons, evenings, mornings after much more special. And I didn’t use AI to write any of this, so if there’s a typo, just lmk like a friend would.

1. Offer to help out! (In advance)

   If you know about a party coming up, reach out to the hosts and see if there’s anything you can do to help! Hosting in the Pines is a lot of work, and offering to get packages, bring supplies, work door, or clean up afterwards goes a long way. Pro Tip: there are lots of folks you can pay to help clean up after a party as well! Booking a service like this might just be the nicest thing you can do. I work with Maria for these moments—send her a text +1(631) 578-4897‬ and tell her Joey sent ya.

2. Don’t show up empty-handed!

   Bring a bottle of bubbly, liquor, or a bunch of mixers—these parties ALWAYS run out, and showing up with a bottle in-hand is a great way to show that you want to contribute off-the-bat.

3. Be (exceptionally) nice to the door person.

   I guarantee that whoever is working the door at a party you want to go to is either a begrudging volunteer or paid, so be very kind to them! It’s a small community and if you’re an asshole, we will find out, and we will not approve of this behavior.

4. If the door person says no, it’s OK to to ask why, but always show respect.

   Chances are that this door person really does want to let you in, so ask if you can help out, come back later, or if there’s anything else you can do. Most of these lovely humans at the door are just here to have a good time, and want to let you in when the house isn’t as full/they’re allowed to.

5. Once inside, go say hi to someone who occupies the space and introduce yourself, and say thank you.

   It’s just good manners…like anywhere!

6. Calm down, DJ. Not your party? Not your music. Not your vibe? Go elsewhere.

   The humans throwing the party chose their music and vibe for a reason, and while it’s OK to ask what the party’s about/for, it’s not your place to judge it OR EVER GO UP TO THE DJ AT SOMEONE ELSE’S PARTY AND TRY TO KICK THEM OFF.* There’s always something else going on in Fire Island Pines, so do what your heart asks of you.
   

   *This literally happened to me on my birthday with one of the rudest queens I’ve ever met in the Pines. Fortunately, we don’t see her around anymore.

7. Don’t be a fucking mess.

   Substances. Gurl. Let’s talk.

   1) Substances are not necessary at all for party (or any?) enjoyment in Fire Island. If you absolutely NEED drugs or booze to have fun at a party, it must not be a very good party, and you should go find a better one.

   2) The Other Humans of Fire Island did not take PTO to be your caretaker. Take care of your damn self. Overindulged? Go home and rest. Not feeling the vibe? Don’t “fix” it with a powder or a pill. Go do something more aligned with your truth—solo beach walks are some of my absolute favorite memories, and I’ve never regretted getting a full night’s sleep!

   3) The Other Humans of Fire Island did not take PTO to be your personal substance somm. Don’t ask strangers for substances. You might not get what you want, get more than what you asked for, and you, of course, might kill their vibe. Take care of your own needs, and if you’re worried about not having substances for a party, see point 1.

   4) Choosing a substance-free journey? That’s totally 100% OK, and it’s OK to other folks know too. Plenty of sober/sober-curious people have a blast in even the most raunchy of after-hours. You telling other folks you’re sober means that you’re choosing to show up for an experience just as you are—and that’s always welcome.

8. Help clean up during the party, and encourage others to do so.

   Put a dish in the sink, clean out some cups, put things in the trash, whatever! It makes a better vibe for everyone, and the hosts notice and will appreciate the gesture.

9. Have fun! Parties are for fun.

   Bring the VIBE, babes. THE VIBE! Showing up to a party and frowning by the pool and expecting others to make your day is dreadful behavior. Yes, even if you’re hot. Especially if you’re hot.
   
   Lots of folks in the Pines can be insecure at these occasions, and if you’re one of them, join the club and meet some of your fellow members! Greeting others with a hug and a hello is a wonderful way to improve your mood and make the party more fun for everyone. So especially if you see another person kind of down, go say hi and invite them into the fun! You never know what someone else’s life is like off-island, and you can really make their world a brighter happier place by showing a little kindness.
   

10. When it’s time to go, it’s time to go.

    It’s. Not. Your. House. You sleep elsewhere. So unless you bought into their share, it’s time for you to go to. Be sure to thank the hosts before you do!

Got something else I should add? Send me a DM on Instagram!